Was it real, or just a dream?

For most of my memorable life I've been consumed by nature. The day and night sky consumed my attention at almost every moment I spent outside, and much of my time inside was spent thinking about this unreachable universe. I remember being filled with the greatest of awes for nature. For creation. Not in a religious sense, but a spiritual one. I found, in my childish distorted views of the world, a connection between myself and the vast universe that surrounded me. Now that I look back, I find that very egotistical of me. But even still I try to aspire to be the things I see in nature.

Jump to another part of my strange childhood. I was in grade school, on a trip with my mother and her now ex husband. We decided to embark on the two day drive to South Carolina through the scenic Appalachian Mountains. On roads that seemed to wind into nothingness we drove. Up and down for hours. The entire time, my mother was telling me how much she loved trees. I thought it was silly. To love trees. To find beauty in such a commonplace thing.

Jump again to Girl Scout Camp when we hiked into the woods to explore our surroundings. Again, trees were the topic of the day. Giant trees with hollowed out insides large enough to live in. And again, jump to Arbor Day in middle school when we planted trees.

I got older and life got infinitely more complicated. Puberty hit and depression from living under an oppressive, verbally abusive drunk fucktart, I again found solace outside. In the silence of nature. And I remembered a time when I was young, very very young, still in diapers... Walking under the shade of trees during the sweetest smelling spring of my memorable life with a woman whom changed me forever. My solace one day became a revolution. An internal storm of chaotic and almost instant change that, again, would change who I was forever.

I felt that the sun was my savior. The smell of the wind my greatest high. No one could judge me. I would live my life the way that I felt was right. And being the unbridled person that I am ( or perhaps it's irrationality and irresponsibility ) I made a very important decision in less than 15 seconds.

Eventually I realized that in a way, everyone and everything around me was connected. We all shared things in common - we are all human, we all have emotions and we all fuck up. These things are our roots. Or, politically, they are my country. Across this nation I can meet anyone anywhere and find something we have in common, be it instinctual or different parts of our personalities.

I realized that as society has evolved we deny that we are all alike in some way. We each want to be a leaf on that grand old tree, an individual. But without a twig, branch, trunk and finally a root there can be no leaves.

Either way, it's late. To be continued...

Old, old journal post from somewhere I shall not disclose. I'd like to point out that I'm cryptic and over analytical of everything. Despite that, there are some pretty good points in here, thank you very much.